He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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