I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need water and some morals
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
