your parents love me but you hate me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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