My nipple is on Facebook.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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