My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
