Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
