you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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