bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
