Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
