Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
