I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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