i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
