Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She said her name was "party"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
