im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
