life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
