it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
