I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
