What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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