when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive