don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.