Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.