walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
