Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid