she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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