How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
