I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
