I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Randomize
