Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
