Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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