I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
