so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
