I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
