I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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