i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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