Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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