i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
