I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
