why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
