We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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