May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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