Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
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I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.