he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies