remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me