Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.