at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men