There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Banned from zoo.
Again?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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