She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
