You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
