ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize