my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
