omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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