Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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