my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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