y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
