If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
