Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
