apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
