so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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