i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This baby is an asshole
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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