Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's great music for shaving your balls
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
