he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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