btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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