We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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