I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
