i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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