My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
