But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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