Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
