Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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