I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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