Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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